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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730618">Losing Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickelboi/pseuds/nickelboi'>nickelboi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Violence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Older Siblings Wilber Soot and Technoblade, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Parental Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Twins Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade, Wilbur Soot Angst, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, nobody hurts sbi, sbi, techno beat up some people, they deserved it though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,304</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickelboi/pseuds/nickelboi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Depictions of violence!! Somewhat mild, mentions of blood. Angst time baby. Remember the reference to the “First time” Techno lost control?<br/>:)) yeah</p><p>He glanced at the boys, making sure they hadn’t heard it before slowly standing and stepping off the porch. There was another thud from the line of trees, just about 50 feet away. Phil’s feathers ruffled behind him, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He heard the click of a crossbow as he got closer, and he instantly knew. Pillagers. They travelled in small groups, looting what they could, and killing anybody who got in the way.<br/>He looked behind him for a moment, the boys still play-fighting near the house. He scanned the line of trees, seeing none were near them, luckily. He turned back, seeing about five pillagers emerging from the shade of the trees. He unsheathed his sword, unfurling his wings a little.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dream SMP Ensemble &amp; Sleepy Bois Inc., Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade, Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Losing Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here is the backstory mentioned in "If and Only If"! When the voices appear to Techno. Should I make a series based off this world? Please note I didn’t edit this a ton either</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was a late summer afternoon, Wilbur and Technoblade were 11 at the time, playing in the clearing behind Phil’s quiet cabin. They were showing Tommy the woods and the clearing, showing him where he could go, and where he couldn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil had found Tommy about a month ago, sitting in an alleyway at the nearest village. The poor child was starving, with nothing but worn out jeans and a thin jacket practically engulfing his small frame. Phil barely saw him in the dark shadows, his deep blue eyes peering up at him through shaggy blonde hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Phil took him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy took well with the family. While shy at first, he quickly showed to be a very hyper kid, with a loud personality. He was a little apprehensive towards Wilbur and Technoblade, afraid of intruding on their relationship. Yet there they were, exploring the woods as if they’d known each other longer than just a month.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil smiled from the porch, soaking in the laughter emanating from the treeline. The boys were now sword fighting with sticks they found, Tommy trying his best to reach the other two, but falling a bit too short. He heard Tommy screech on about it being unfair, with the twins making excuses when Phil heard a noise towards his right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced at the boys, making sure they hadn’t heard it before slowly standing and stepping off the porch. There was another thud from the line of trees, just about 50 feet away. Phil’s feathers ruffled behind him, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He heard the click of a crossbow as he got closer, and he instantly knew. Pillagers. They travelled in small groups, looting what they could, and killing anybody who got in the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked behind him for a moment, the boys still play-fighting near the house. He scanned the line of trees, seeing none were near them, luckily. He turned back, seeing about five pillagers emerging from the shade of the trees. He unsheathed his sword, unfurling his wings a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now gentlemen,” he spoke. “I have nothing of value to you. I’m giving you a chance to leave now.” The man in the front of the group snickered, his shield wielding the pattern of their flag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cute little fella.” His hoarse voice spoke. He drew his crossbow from his back, pulling the string. “Now, you’re going to let us into your house, or pay the consequences.” His men chuckled behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil shrugged, pointing his sword towards them. “So be it.” He took another sideways glance, the three boys still oblivious to the danger they were in. The leader smirked before firing an arrow, missing Phil by an inch as he ducked to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil lunged forward, ducking as another arrow hissed past his ear, knocking a man into a tree with his wing. He slumped to the ground, Phil jumping back as a second man brought an axe towards him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wood of his axe knocked into the sharp iron of Phil’s sword, catching before the pillager pulled back, swinging towards Phil’s leg. He winced as the edge cut into his shin, using the opportunity to wound the man's side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The leader, from somewhere behind, shouted a word in foreign tongue. Phil realized two men were sneaking towards the treeline where Tommy, Techno and Wilbur still played, utterly oblivious. He noticed Techno’s gaze flick to where Phil was previously sitting on the porch, realizing he was no longer there. He watched for a moment as Techno walked into the house, looking for Phil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil pulled the sword out of the man, turning to the leader who held a smirk on his face. He lifted his shield, his crossbow now tucked on his back. A sword now was held in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All this for what, a few gold coins?” Phil spat out. He turned, seeing the men were nearly to the boys now. Technoblade had wandered to the back door, probably looking for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil launched into the air with a powerful movement of his wings, trying to get to Wilbur and Tommy. As he did so, the men lunged at the boys, quickly pulling them into their arms with a scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil landed a few paces away, holding his sword in a white knuckle grip at his side. Tommy was kicking and screaming from where he was held tight against the man's chest. Wilbur was pale, his eyes watering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, they’re just children, let them go.” He pleaded. He looked at Tommy, who was crying so hard he appeared he couldn’t breathe. Wilbur looked to him, saying something Phil couldn’t quite hear. Tommy had stopped struggling, instead trying to even out his breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was until the pillager holding Tommy pulled a long ridged dagger from his belt and pressed it against Tommy’s neck. He choked out his father’s name before the man held Tommy tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put your sword down,” the man grunted, his accent thick. “Or the brat gets it.” Wilbur whimpered, the tears now flowing from his eyes. Phil looked at his surroundings, looking for something, anything, that could possibly help him out of here. The man pressed the dagger further to Tommy’s neck, a small cut forming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now.” He hollered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil met Tommy’s eyes, sighing as he dropped the sword into the grass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now let them go.” Phil’s voice was laced with anxiety, his posture apprehensive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kick it away.” The man holding Wilbur demanded. “No funny business.” Phil stiffened, kicking the sword away from him and the men. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re revolting for bringing children into some petty theft, gentlemen.” he remarked. “All this for what? Some gold coins? Maybe a sword or two? Let them go, please. They’re worth more than whatever you find in that house.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pillagers exchanged a look before dropping the two young boys to the ground with a thud. Phil dropped to his knees, arms wide open as Wilbur and Tommy scrambled to their feet. They each crashed into his arms, Tommy sobbing into the crook of Phil’s neck. His small hands grabbed at his robe, curling around the emerald green fabric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard footsteps behind him, and he turned, meeting the gaze of the lead pillager. He held a crossbow, quickly loading it and pulling back the arrow. He aimed it at Phil, turning his gaze back to the other two men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go search the house. I could’ve sworn there was a third child.” He continued on in his native language, nodding his head when he finished. The two others glanced at each other in agreement before heading to the house. Phil stiffened, reaching a hand into Wilbur’s mess of curls and pulling him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Techno…” Wilbur started before Phil hushed him, whispering assurances into his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, a crash and shout was heard from the house. Phil snapped his head up. He heard the leader messing with his crossbow behind him. A feeling of dread pooled in his gut. He knew he needed to do something, but what? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He noticed that the leader had dropped his crossbow, his grip loosened. He took his hands off the boys slowly and carefully, watching the leaders face. He was still studying the house as another crash emitted from the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil took the opportunity to strike, shoving the crossbow into the pillager’s chest. The arrow fell out of the shaft, snapping under Phil’s foot. He looked at Phil, shocked by the sudden movement. Phil grabbed Tommy and Wilbur again, tucking them into his sides before jumping towards his fallen sword.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay behind me.” He muttered, herding the two behind him. He spread his wings, opting to use them as a shield. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pillager pulled another arrow from his sheath, loading it quickly. “Smart man.” He laughed. “But not smart enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the one carrying a crossbow instead of a sword.” Phil smirked, getting into a ready stance. The pillager chuckled again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except I don’t have a weakness, birdman.” He fired an arrow, aiming for Phil’s wing. Phil’s eyes widened, but he reacted too late. He heard cry from behind him. Phil saw red. In one swift movement, he lunged, plunging his sword through his chest. He kept pushing his sword through him as he fell, staking him to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at him a moment as he gasped for breath before returning to his sons. Wilbur was on the ground, an arrow sticking out from his left shoulder. Blood was staining his sweater, a stark contrast from the white wool. Tommy was holding onto Wilbur for dear life, fear consuming his expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when they heard footsteps coming from the front porch. Phil glanced at Wilbur’s tear stained face before standing, pulling his sword from the ground. The hilt of his sword cut into his palm as he took tentative steps towards the front steps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> The door creaked open slowly, and Phil realized it was Technoblade. His brown eyes peaked around the edge of the door, relief flooding his eyes once he realized the danger had passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Techno’s pink hair was stained red in some places, his arms covered in small cuts. Phil honestly couldn’t tell if the blood on Techno was his own or someone else's. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes trailed down from Phil’s to where Wilbur lay, the arrow still sticking out from his arm. All of a sudden, Techno sprinted to Phil, dropping to Wilbur’s side. Phil stared at Techno for a moment, taking in his son. He finally was able to speak, his voice wavering greatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Techno, what happened?” Techno met his father’s eyes, an emotion Phil couldn’t quite place passing over his eyes. He looked down to Wilbur, avoiding Phil’s gaze. Wilbur was staring at Techno, fear consuming his face. Techno glanced between the wound on Wilbur’s shoulder and his scared expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil knelt down to them, and carefully removed the arrow. Wilbur cried out in pain, Techno carefully moving him so his head was in his lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to check the house for danger, ok? Use this to put pressure on his wound, okay Techno?” He carefully took off his cape, handing it carefully to Tehno. Techno nodded, his eyes distant. Tommy’s lip quivered but he nodded. Techno looked up as his father stood, an unreadable look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re safe.” He choked out. Phil took a breath before nodding, turning to the house. He couldn’t prepare himself with what he found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pillagers lie dead in the hall. To his right, slumped against the wood paneled wall was the first pillager. He had a long wound starting somewhere in his scalp tracing down his jaw and stopping just at his neck. His eyes were wide open, full of emptiness. Phil shuddered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil took a sharp inhale and turned away. He saw the second pillager and paled. He turned away quickly, not bothering to note what had even happened to him. There was too much blood. He went back outside, looking into his eldest’s eyes, speechless. Techno’s eyes watered, but he stayed silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You boys stay outside. I’m…” he trailed off, searching Techno’s face for any hint as to what happened. “I’m going to get supplies for Wil.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly returned outside with a healing salve and some bandages. Wilbur had calmed some, Tommy too. The arrow didn’t go too far into his shoulder, Phil’s feathers probably slowing it’s trajectory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the salve was applied and his shoulder wrapped, Phil carefully picked up Wilbur, carrying them to the swinging bench on the porch. They all huddled together, making sure they had a good hold on one another. Tommy and Wilbur sat on either side of Technoblade, both of their eyes fluttering shut once comfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sure had been a long day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to clean up.” Phil spoke softly to Technobalde, afraid of stirring Wilbur and Tommy. His hand reached for the door knob hesitantly. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Techno rested his head against Wilbur’s, closing his eyes and sighing. He mumbled something, probably to Wilbur, before meeting his father’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later?” he croaked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil nodded, heading into the house to take care of the damage done inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a few hours before Phil had finished, the boys asleep with a few blankets tossed over them on the bench. He gently carried Tommy and Wilbur to his bed, figuring it’d be better if they were together for the night. He gently shook Techno awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked tiredly up at his dad, rubbing his eyes. “Hey mate, you want to go to bed or do you want to talk?” Techno stared for a moment before pressing his palms into his eyes, taking a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to explain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil carefully sat down next to Techno, extending a wing around them as he pulled Techno into his side. He leaned into the contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went looking for you, and as I finished searching the house, I saw them.” He moved closer to his father, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The pillagers with your brothers?” He questioned. Techno hummed in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured I should wait, then they came towards the house. I heard someone talk to me. It was…” he took a shuddering inhale. “It was overwhelming. Like I had no control. I couldn’t hear anything but the voices.” He choked on a sob. “I didn’t realize what I did until they were lying there.” His tears fell onto Phil’s cloak. He gripped at the green material, holding onto it as if his life depended on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil pulled him closer, whispering sweet assurances into his hair. He ran his fingers through his mess of curls. Once his sobs turned into soft snores, Phil slowly and carefully carried him up to bed. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know if you want more! Thanks for all the support :) I might make this a series!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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